Ted Berrigan's Red Shift (Fill in the Blanks)

Fatal Love

Here I am at 11:11 p.m.. stuck in this frame
The air is filled with the sting of broken memories,
on the way to the dark streetscape
I drink some dangerously hot coffee which burns
and soothes to have comfort and to give
In. The streets look for he, she, or me. She
is waiting for he, he runs from she, it's
true but all of this is, really on me. I work
through it, them, as
The jealous misdemeanors sipped on forever now
10 years almost ago, and the man crying
is trying to keep her by telling & telling.
Who would have thought that I'd be here, nothing
of mine, nothing I want, yet everything
I have ever wanted has been lost forever
Love, money, friends, gone,
Up in the truth there is something innocent, now
more than ever before?
Not that now there is truth, in his innocent coat
eyes penetrating the fatal love he brings
& stores in me. Not that he loves a teen, who was
going to have to go, careening into womanhood so,
To love, & to hate passionately enough she could not imagine
so to go. Not that he who from very first meeting
I would never & never forget him not even until we both disappear
into the dark abyss of after life & so demanded
To stay & who will never leave me, not for money, nor family
nor even for freedom from commitment which is
Only our human lot & means zip. No, not her.
There's a song, "Lost Without You", but no, I won't do that
I am 30. When will I die? I will never die, I will live
To be 100, & I will never go away, & you will never escape from me
who am always & only a spirit, despite this illusion, Spirit
Who lives only to torment.
I'm only human, &I am alone, &I didn't want to be alone
You did
I came into your life to help you, to love you, to accompany you
but, you did nothing
to help me.
Alone & used, unfair fate, nevertheless
I stand firm on my own sending messages
The world's messenger's flow through the air planting them into your ears.